Happy Birthday to Lizzie! Happy Birthday to Lizzie! Happy Birthday to....... you know who cares. My birthday was tuesday and it sucked like crap. Let's see: I woke at 8:00 in the morning thinking that was the only time I had to myself b4 Hell opened up again in the house like always. But, alas, I was wrong. My baby sister decided to wake up the same time that I did just to annony me (she's 3 months). Which meant my mother had to wake up and which also meant that I had to start my birthday like that. As if that wasn't bad enough, I had a math test (dual enrollment) that day too and I wanted to get an 'A' on the test to keep my average in the 'A' catergory. Thankfully, I only had 2 sections of math hmwrk to finish but I didn't have any time to study but my teacher allowed us to have a review sheet for the test, so I wrote down all the equations I didn't have time to study on the paper and everything else that sounded important. Well, I got an 'A' on the test, which is the only positive thing that came out of this week. Anyway, back to my horrible birthday, I didn't get ANYTHING except for a new shower curtain, bath sponge, bath wash,  a shower basket, a card, and balloon from my grandmother. My mom ordered Olive Garden for dinner, she said, "We couldnt go to Olive Garden, so Olive Garden came to us." WOW! That's supposed to make me feel better! My cake looked like shit but it tasted good. I think my cake from 16th birthday was better looking than this one. I swear I absolutlely hate it! You're supposed to enjoy your teenaged years but I hate it. I feel more depressed than ever, I can't stand my parents, even though I got my license, I still can't go out bcuz I'm not on their insurance. Well, what the hell are you waiting for? School's about to start and I have no way of getting to the Hellhole. Speaking of the Hellhole, I'm glad that it is my last year there, I am DONE with that school. I think it's that school's fault that I am so angry all the time. Everyday you go to school, I see the most racist, sexist, vain, senile (sp) people ever. Oh wait, what  I am talking about? I live in FL, everyone's like that in FL. You know, I am really pissed off (i think its pretty obvious). I can't think anymore bcuz of my parents' constant fighting. Then, I have to organized a lot of things for this year at school, college registration, SAT (i totally bombed on and my parents think I can't go to college anymore, not even BCC. Morons, I am going to BCC right now. If scores were so bad, than why did they take me? Gee, maybe its bcuz I have a high GPA (3.7) and I have really good grades) and then there's the oncoming drama that is about to start soon. I can practical smell it. Well, I am done ranting about how depressing my life is and I think its about time I changed that. If I don't, I have a feeling that something bad will happen to me and its going to leave a scar for the rest of my life.

Lizzie

I was supposed to update yesterday, but never got the chance bcuz i went to the college fair last nite, which wasnt so bad. Overview of Monday, was shitty as usual.

Today I want to kill myself and i'm not kidding. Seriously, all today I wanted to take a gun and shoot myself or use some kind of sharp object just to put my miserable life to an end. This morning I got at my usual time, 5:55 and take a shower, eat breakfast and off to school. After my dad drops Kris off at school, he starts to berate me about how i'm a waste, i cant drive (i need to establish a schedule once again), i'm gonna be working at McDonalds when i grow up, and how i'm never going to get scholarships for college bcuz i dropped piano and i dont play sports. He said that the whole way to school and made me pissed off and depresssed the whole day. So I'm at school, the 1st period bell rings and i'm off to French 3 Honors, the class is mundane as usual and didnt care for french today so I basically zoned off to "la-la" land. 2nd period, which is AP US History, was boring today, no of the notes were that appealing to me nor were they interesting whatsoever. But Ben Parsons gets a thrill out of that class bcuz that his 'forte', like a really care. Then the 15 min break began, I wanted to get something to eat bcuz my stomach was bothering me so I thought maybe a lil snack might settled it down a little. But of course, the students of MCC for some reason could not make the line move. Bunch of dumbasses standing there deciding what they should get to eat for SNACK!!! C'mon, lunchh is gonna start in another hour or two, so pick up a bag of chips and fucking move!!! Nope, they couldnt do that bcuz the drugs that they smoke, snorted or injected got into their brain cells.  So I ditched the line and go to drama class and take a lil nap b4 class started, which actually calmed me down. I really do love drama class bcuz that class is like a stress reliever class  for me, so i'm grateful i have drama again this year (one less thing to worry about). After 3rd period ended, i went to my locker to grab my books for Amato's class. As usual i had to get through, the drugged up sophomores and the dumbass freshmen just to get to my junior locker. Anywho, 4th period commences (sp, thats the french spelling)  and English is the same as usual except this time we're practicing for the PSAT thats next week.

LUNCH!!! Thank God!! It felt like that 1st half of the day just draggggggggggggggged on. So i was grateful when it was lunch time bcuz finally i knew that my day was almost over. Lunch ends (sadly) and 5th period begins  Honors Pre-Calculus. I truly hate math now, I used to love math bcuz i thought it was so easy. NOT ANYMORE!! i have no idea what Mr. Cuthshaw is saying until after he explains the crap through our homework. Truly, I think that it's a waste of time to do homework bcuz it just makes no sense. And the best part is yet to come, we are gonna start practicing for the PSAT next week, even though the test is next week. The reason why is thee AP English kids never got theirs, so we have to wait til they get their booklet, which is bullshit bcuz i think PSAT is more important than stupid trig, but i'm not teaching the class am i? 5th period made my day even worse and i blame that class for making it worse. After that, 6th period bell rings and Chemistry starts. This class is also another stress-reliever for me. I have no problem in this class whatsoever but i wasnt mood to learn anything so i'm dont gonna dwell on it. Finally the last class of the day is  religion. Okay, i'm definitely not gonna say anything about this class except i wanted to kill myself.

So my school day ends and i go to my locker and take the necessary books i need for homework and went to drama practice. To tell you the truth, I wanted to be happy and chirpy but it wasnt in me today, so i faked till i made it all through practice. Practice wasnt bad at all, but will get worse when we have to start tech week cuz i'm a techie so my life is gonna complicated for 2 weeks which i have no problem with cuz i need something to distract me.

After drama practice: My dad picks me up from school and did not insult me or say anything to make to  me go crazy, thank god, but  my mom (aka 'The General') did. She waited for 7 hours for me to come home so i can take HER stupid dog out. So i take him out and asked someone to give him some food while i'm taking him (i actually meant her to do it) so Kris volunteers to do it since he stand his mom any longer. I come back washed my hands, thanked Kris and started to eat my pizza when she starts screaming that the dog crapped in the front porch, she yelled and yelled saying that I was lazy blah blah blah. (i start not to care after awhile) Then she kicks the basket full of clothes in front and says that I have to fold even though i have tons of homework to do. I start to fold the clothes and then she comes up and says she needs the basket right now, even though i'm not done folding, she removes all the clothes and takes the basket and walks away. Right now, I'm angry and pissed off at her, that i almost took a knife and went to chase her down, i'm not kidding. So i try to restrain myself from ripping mom's heart out and stomping on it to nothing so i could pick up my cousin Allison. From this point on is where it gets worse, my mom leaves and goes and buys food for herself, and my dad and Allison are w/ me. Allison starts singing some rap song and I listened to her rapping and singing and laughing all along w/ her. Then I turned around and accidentally bumped into Kris' cup that he left on the table b4 leaving and making a mess on the floor. My dad goes all ballistic that he even drops the 'f-word' in there, in front of Allison (she's only 4.5 years old and i wondered where she learned all the curse words in the book???).

I tell him,"Dad, c'mon Allison's here. You cant say that in front of her."

Dad yelled angrliy, "What? I cant cursed in my own freakiing house?!?!?!" Then he goes on this whole speech but how i destroy the keyboard on the computer and that i'm a waste and i'm waste blah blah blah.

Which brings me here, writing in this journal. I think that I have finally given up on life. I cant take my parents anymore, sometimes i wish that i could kill them or killing myself just to end the misery i'm in right now. No one, i mean no one, seems to understand why i'm so upset and depressed. I'm not happy anymore, ever since hurricane frances i've been  started to wonder if i am seriously living in hell. My house is not unified, loving or caring at all. I dont even let my friends meet my parents (most of the time, they cant) cuz they're the greatest ppl when it comes w/ dealing with my outside life, like i even have one.

Basically, my whole day and possibly this week is ruined thanks to my parents, mainly my mom. I hate my mom so much that sometimes i wish she wasnt my mother and that i was somehow switched at birth (lil far fetched, i know) . I dunno...........I just want my life to be over w/ and done cuz i finish living in this place, this state, and this world. I'm through! I cant stand anymore! My life has been nothing but a spiral of stairs going straight to hell!

Look, I'm ending this entry. I cant take any more. I wanna i'm sorry to anyone i might have offended or insulted during the past 16 yrs of life. I'm truly sorry. I'm sorry for everything i have ever done and this truly coming from heart.

I GOT MY POWER BACK!! :-) I'M SOOOOO HAPPY!!! Yea, gonna make this real short cuz i gotta study for Chem. and Pre-Cal. test 2m. so yea, i'll update maybe on friday, thats if i want to.

I still have no power :-|  and it really sucks. I'm about to go crazy in this cave that is called a "house". Everyday I wake up, I know my day will be hell bcuz that's the way my house operates. Everyone yells at each other for no apparent reason and everyone gets all angry or pissed at me for a stupid reason. I swear I feel killing myself in my own backyard or jumping in front of a car that passes my house. I cant take anymore and my parents think I'm being selfish and arrogant when really I'm losing my mind and I think I have a mental issue and my parents dont care. I tell they that I think there's something wrong w/ me bcuz I have mental breakdowns sometimes and I totally loose control of my feelings and act on what I'm feeling or I completely shutdown. (i think thats one reason why i dont drive that much, bcuz i believe that i'm kill someone on the road). but anywayz, who cares right? the cycle of life is you're born, you live, you die and thats what I'm sticking to bcuz I dont care what happens to me anymore cuz I give up on life, family and friends. Theres nothing left in this sad pitiful world for me to do.

P.S. school starts 2m and i'm depressed about going, so yea, I have a great life :-)

The first 2wks of school, was like an eternity in hell. I swear (enough i'm not allow to swear, since i'm Catholic) i wanted to die. The first day wasnt so bad since the only thing that the teachers did was babbled about how they were gonna teach the class (as if teachers really do keep to their word or promises) but the 2nd day of school, it was like, 'gee, u've been in school for 1 day and u should know the ropes by now, so we're gonna give piles of hmwrk 2nite.' i was so pissed off, my brain is still in summer mode and now u're piling all this shit for me to do in one night! Damn!

I was so glad when Hurricane Charley went through FL. In fact, the whole school (even the teachers) were so excited that they had a day off from school. I was extremely happy bcuz 1.) i didnt have to evacuate (sp)  2.)  i got to sleep in on friday and saturday 3.) the storm hardly hit me. While in sum places , like Orange County, Ft.Myers , Port Charlotte, Punta Gorda and others were hit really really bad. I feel sorry for these ppl, especially the ones who lived in moblie homes and now have nowhere to live. My Pre-Cal. teacher, Mr. Cutshaw cant find his son, who lives in a moblie home community in Orange county. He said that its not like his son not to call for over week w/out saying anything. He's trying to be cheerful about it but u can tell he's really upset.  I just hope that his son is okay and that he contacts his family real soon.

*change subject*    I've been watching the Olympics, and let me tell u, the mens bball team sucks big time! I dont know about anybody else, but in my opinion, Larry Brown should have NEVER sign up for this shit! He just won the NBA Finals in June, he probably got a major raise, his team beat the shit out of the Lakers, so why even bother w/ the Olympics. My dad thinks its just a way for him to get a good name, well in my book, he's the a real bad name that i wont mention here, since i'm Catholic and all. But really, the game against Puerto Rico was bad, 91-77. Dude, Larry, c'mon man, WHY? why did u do this? u hate Iverson and Iverson hates u. so why even bother to work w/ him. I dont get it and i dont think anybody else does, but hey, at least i'm not embarrassing myself on TV like he is.

Now i must end, this sad thing that is called an entry and go say sorry 2 my dad for like the hundredth time and study for my gay-ass Chemistry test and dumb AP US history.